Healing What Hurts
I've had so many conversations in the past week with clients who are hurting, we've discussed how they want to feel stronger and leave pain behind. How they can deal with painful situations and unfair circumstances.
The work I do its initially with the physical body, people come to me with a bad back, a frozen shoulder, a disability or just an inability to get their body feeling as healthy as they would like. But 9 times out of 10, we fall into emotional healing to reach physical success.
Healing publicly does not suit my cancerian soul. I feel most comfortable side-stepping into a safe place to deal with my discomforts alone and protect my soft interior from the rest of the world. But, recently I wrote a poem when I was hurting, so I thought I'd be brave and step out of my shell and share what I've written in the hope that it will help these clients I've been speaking to recently, and anyone else out there who needs a little pick-me-up.
There are so many ways we can rise above trauma and pain.
It is time we start to wake up to the knowing that our bodies and our minds are connected.
In my experience with working with clients, the physical body is the lens to the emotional body. More on this HERE>>
I can now use the body as a map to understand what emotionally needs healing.
For example, bad shoulders means you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. The right side of the body is the masculine side of the body.
I used to have a pain in my right shoulder, underneath the shoulder blade. It was recurring and nothing would get rid of it. Then my boyfriend left me. It was a horrible experience but the pain in my shoulder- went. I later found myself in a new relationship, the shoulder pain crept back in. That relationship ended too and guess what, within days the pain went again. My body was telling me that I wasn't in the right situation for me but I wasn’t listening. So it kept biting me.
Initially, I don’t tell my clients that I work with the emotional body. Some people aren’t open to this in the beginning and it also scares others as it can be quite exposing but even the people who think it’s 'a load of bollocks!' to start with, end up sharing with me- their emotional going on's and we naturally end up progressing down the path of emotional healing and self development. You see, when we start to become more in-tune with our physical bodies, we naturally recognise that our emotional body is connected.
So what can we do if life suddenly pulls the rug from under our feet?
The first thing is to understand that this is not the end. I love the saying:
““It will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, then it’s not the end”. ”
This is true. For all of us. Whether you are getting knock backs in your personal life, professional life or in your health. Trust that this change is for your greater good, however cruel it feels. It can particularly feel cruel if it’s happened before or if you’ve given your all to someone else who’s returned your love with a stomach flipping sting but whatever your feeling, these are emotions. They are not you. They are tools to teach you what it right and what is wrong for you. (more on this in the listen to yourself section).
As touched upon in the poem, These ‘knock backs’ are really life (the universe, god, fate, whatever you want to call it) telling you that you have walked down the wrong path. These ‘wrong paths’ are entered by having a disconnect with yourself. Either we push ourselves to keep going until life makes you stop or we are led by helping others and not putting ourselves first. You likely have not realised that you are worth much more than you have been allowing into your life. So when you feel ‘I’m an unlucky person, why do bad things happen to me?’ it’s because you haven’t realised how fabulous you really are and you’ve only been allowing yourself to have, experience and be treated, less than you deserve.
1. Take responsibility
Recognise that you have not be listening to yourself. Maybe you have been doing what you think is right, or going after what you think you want but I can confidently say that if you’ve recently had a set back, I know you have not been listening to yourself properly. I bet you have made yourself so busy that you’ve had no time to rest alone, to meditate or just enjoy a nice bath or some good old fashioned thinking time.
When something isn’t right for me, I realise because I will stop meditating or find it hard to meditate and I find it hard to relax properly. A busy mind is a distracted mind because we are not ready to face up to a mistake we’ve made or that we are unhappy at our core and need to make some changes that might feel very daunting to undertake.
Also take responsibility for the fact that you have not been loving yourself. Loving yourself teaches you self worth. You are worthy of everything that the next person has. You have to practise saying this to yourself until you believe it.
2. Be grateful
Understanding that this change of circumstance is for your best interest, is really a wonderful thing. One of my clients is a super successful man with a wonderful family. He is always, always smiling and always pleased to see you. No matter how busy he is, he is always calm and always has time to say hello and ask after you.
He told me that he had a difficult childhood. That’s all I know, and he learnt that if he hadn’t been through the trauma he was subjected to, he wouldn’t be where he is today. He see’s life’s stomach churning, surprise moments that you and I might view as ‘cruel’, as blessings. He knows wholeheartedly that if something leaves you (a person, a situation, a possession) then it is not for you and it leaves space for the right thing to come into your life. He knows that if suddenly your situation changes, then it is because something better is waiting for you and you need to be in the right frame of mind to receive it.
If things aren't where you want them to be right now, recognise that you are free to get on with much more and you have created space to have so much more, now. There is no such things as a ‘bad situation’ as every situation leads you to a better one, if you listen and allow life to show you what’s really waiting for you.
3. LET GO
The idea of hanging on will only cause you pain.
When we go through a traumatic time, we often want to play out what’s happened in our minds, try to work it out, think over it.
You do NOT need to do this.
This creates an attachment to something which is now in the past.
Instead, try this:
Every time a memory or a thought about what’s happened or how bad your situation is, comes into your head; Say to yourself either in your head or out aloud ‘that’s the past and not for me right now’. End that thought, come back into the present moment and focus on what you are currently doing. It might take days or weeks of practise but it will re-train your mind to stop giving attention to negative thoughts.
Times of difficulty should be spent being around people who make you smile, people who are upbeat and joyful and in places you love. Keep busy and distract your mind to train it from going over the things that hurt.
Thinking over what has happened will bring the past into the present and the present is NOT that thing that once hurt you, leave it in the past.
4. FORGIVE
Not forgiving someone doesn't hurt them. It only hurts you.
Not forgiving a situation or circumstance only hurts you.
Forgive them, forgive the situation, forgive yourself, forgive the Universe (God, Life, etc etc) for putting you in that situation. You do not need to carry any negative feelings or thoughts around with you. That will only weigh YOU down.
Listen to yourself and you will heal without trying
This isn’t to say that you should push thoughts away. Pushing a thought or feeling away can result in it coming up physically (as a pain or illness). Remember our bodies are always talking to us, so instead is important to recognise how you feel and where your mind wants to go. The difference is that you are not giving the mind, attention.
A wonderful meditation and mindfulness technique to practise this is:
“Find a calm place where you cannot be disturbed and sit in a comfortable position.
Close your eyes and come to your meditation.
Let everything around you melt away from your attention and fall into the background.
Let your awareness fall to your breath and follow your breath.
Notice how the breath enters your body as you inhale and how the breath leaves your body as you exhale.
Notice where your breath meets your body as you follow the inhale,
and where the breath leaves your body as you follow the exhale.
As you follow the breath, start to focus more on where the breath is meeting your body and any sensations that arise as the breath touches you.
As it touches your throat
As it touches your chest,
your heart,
as it fills your lungs and lifts your ribs,
as it expands your belly
and stretches your back.
When you notice a sensation or feeling, give this a name. Such as ‘anxiety’ ‘fear’ ‘anger’ ‘sadness’ ‘loneliness’ ‘shock’ ‘happiness’ ‘pleasure’ ‘delight’ then imagine this word drawn in the air next to you.
In your minds-eye, see it float down and rest beside you.
As you notice more feelings and sensations, do the same and allow the words to sit together, next to you.
We can do the same with the mind. If your mind starts to wonder, allow the wondering to happen but do not give it any attention. Instead give the wondering a name. Here is a ‘memory’ for example.
See ‘M-E-M-O-R-Y’ written next to you and float down by your side.”
For the audio version, click here: EMOTIONAL FREEDOM MEDITATION
This is a powerful tool to remind us that whatever we are feeling is not us. It is not part of us and it does not shape us.
It is something we are experiencing.
The English language doesn’t serve us well here. When we are experiencing an emotion we name ourselves as that emotion. For example I would say: I am sad. But really I should say: I am Charlette and today I am experiencing sadness. This gives us back our power and separates us from the emotion.
You are you. And this is a moment in time that is passing. Let it pass. When you separate from the emotion in this way, it stays with you for a much shorter time and doesn’t become part of your identity.
Allow yourself to feel, it is important but do not dwell on it and not push it away. Welcoming feelings creates a sense of calm and safety and helps them to pass faster. Know that you will experience feelings that have negative associations and welcome all of these feelings. Once they are welcome, there is no fear of them and they can then stop screaming at you for your attention.
More information on why discomfort is actually good for you:
5. Get back on track
Focus on life and the rest will fall into place.
You are the most important person in your life, if you don't know this, no one else will either (including the Universe).
Give yourself two things, now: Stability and happiness
Stability
Create more stability for yourself. If it's finances that don’t feel strong in your life, focus on that. If it’s your health, focus on that. If it’s where your currently living, change it.
Chose one thing that will give you more stability and make that your focus. Run with it. Allow time for this change to take place and make that your priority and set that as your goal. The more stability you can give and create for yourself, the less likely that life's little tests can rock you.
People won’t know you need support unless you ask them. If you need advice on where to start or how to accomplish something, then ask. If people offer help, TAKE IT! If you deny it you are denying that person the positive feelings they deserve from helping, so you will also be making someone else feel good by accepting generosity.
Some ways you can support yourself:
Listen to podcasts on your topic of interest
Enrol in a course
Ask someone who inspires you to become your mentor
Get active
Set small, achievable goals
Celebrate each small success
Happiness
Do anything and everything truly makes you happy. Know that you are safe.
Start to trust the universe (or whatever you want to call it!) and just enjoy life for what it is now. Laugh at how rubbish things have been, there is always a lighter side to every situation. One day you will be so grateful for whats happened, I promise you!! You might even find it comical because your life is about to get so much better if you let it!
Fake it till you make it. Smile, watch comedy, decide to be happy.
If happiness feels like it is a long way off to you, then change the wording until you find something that sits more comfortably with you. Such as 'I am allowing more happiness into my life' or 'I am becoming more aware of the good things in my life' or 'Just for today I will remember what happiness feels like'. Start here and it will grow but you must commit. Like everything it requires practise and soon you will start to see the positives around you.
Happiness inducing ideas:
Watch comedy and listen to happy music. No 'life sucks' playlists that will make you feel blue!!
Get active
Have a massage
Hug a friend
Start a gratitude journal, write down 3 things each day that you are grateful for
Start working towards that thing you have been putting off but really want to do
Remember you are worth more then you have been allowing into your life. Spend some time loving who you are because you are so special and whatever has happened to you is for your greater good. You are supported and you are safe.
Charlette x
If you have any questions on this topic or another, please share it with me. My clients inspire all of my writing.